


Out of Intent

by Shi_Toyu



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Bucky Barnes, BAMF Tony Stark, Captive, Choking, Established Relationship, Guilt, Happy Ending, Hospitalization, Implied/Referenced Brainwashing, Kidnapping, M/M, Nightmares, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Post-HYDRA Reveal, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Serious Injuries, Threats of Violence, Torture, Trust, Trust Issues, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2019-03-03 09:26:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13338321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shi_Toyu/pseuds/Shi_Toyu
Summary: "Do less out of habit and more out of intent."When the Avengers are captured by Hydra, Bucky must pretend that the Winter Soldier programing is still active. Unfortunately, that means bringing some of Tony's worst fears to life.





	Out of Intent

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MassiveSpaceWren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MassiveSpaceWren/gifts).



> For Wren, my lovely birb! Happy Hatchday!
> 
> Based on the prompts:
> 
> Prompt 1: “While fighting HYDRA and things go wrong, Bucky sees only one way out: pretend that he is still the Winter Soldier, that they can still control him. Now he just has to make sure that he keeps everyone alive, while hoping that HYDRA doesn't see through him. Will his friends see that he is trying to get them out, or is it even safer for them if they don't know? (everyone/friends might be just Tony, or also others from the team, or also civillians)”  
> Prompt 2: “Tony having issues with being choked because it keeps happening to him. (i.e. Loki, Thor, etc.)”

“Bring him.”

The command was cold, uncaring, and Bucky moved forward as soon as the words were in the air. Assets didn’t think, he reminded himself, they didn’t hesitate. They certainly didn’t care.

“Bucky, don’t do this! You’re better than this!” Steve cried out at him from the next cell over, eyes desperate in a way Bucky’s very carefully weren’t. “You can beat this!”

Tony’s eyes weren’t desperate, either, just defiant as he stood proud in the face of the Winter Soldier. He didn’t even flinch when his arms were grabbed roughly and yanked behind his back. It was only when their bodies were pressed up against each other that Bucky could feel the way he trembled. Behind them, the Hydra agent laughed.

“Don’t worry, Captain. You’ll get your chance soon enough! Once Stark fixes the chair for us, we’ll be happy to give you some of the same words we’ve given your friend that even now keep him so loyal to our cause.”

Bucky’s stomach churned at the mental image of Steve being strapped into the chair, of the bite guard being forced into his mouth, of his wide eyes and agonized expression once the electric currents started coursing through him. The idea of seeing his partner in such a situation made him feel ill, but he forced the need to vomit back. Bucky couldn’t let that happen, _wouldn’t_ let that happen. He just needed a little more time.

Tony didn’t fight as he was led out of the cell, just held his head high and glared holes into the back of the agent’s skull.

“It’ll be alright, Cap,” he said, sending a brief smile Steve’s way. “I’ll be fine. I’m safe with Bucky.”

“You lie very convincingly,” the Hydra agent said smugly.

Tony didn’t deem it worthy of a response. They walked through the corridors of the Hydra base in silence, a serious air around Tony’s every move that probably would have surprised anyone who didn’t know him very, very well. He was hyper-focused, searching for a way out, an escape route for all of them. Bucky knew Tony, he’d never let any of them be left behind. Hell, he’d probably be crazy enough to try to take the Winter Soldier with him. (Crazy enough to refuse to do anything less.)

It made Bucky’s skin crawl to be back within these walls, but there was nothing he could do. He knew that. One misstep and Hydra would figure out he wasn’t their perfect little Asset any longer. He couldn’t even tell the team he hadn’t really turned on them, couldn’t even tell _Tony_. He just had to remain blank-faced to their betrayed and desperate looks. Steve’s desperation was heart-wrenching. Tony’s resignation was worse.

There were a couple of Hydra techs in the room with the chair, busying themselves with some of the other equipment. The two armed guards perked up when their group entered. They wouldn’t have this assignment if it weren’t for Tony, after all. They were here to make sure he didn’t try anything stupid. The agent who had ordered Tony be brought out just waved them away, though. They’d be unnecessary for now.

Bucky steeled himself. He knew what came next.

Hydra wanted Tony to fix the chair so they could ensure Bucky’s obedience and begin the process of converting Steve into one of their pawns, too. There was no way Tony would agree to it, even for show. Bucky knew that and he was pretty damn sure Hydra knew it. They were _counting_ on needing to break Tony. Sick fuckers. It was going to be hell having to stand there impassively while they tried to torture Tony into submission. Just the thought had Bucky wanting to scream and fight with every fiber of his being, but he had to remain firm. As long as he was hidden among Hydra’s ranks, there was a chance he’d be able to find a way out.

“Asset,” the Hydra agent barked, “Let’s see how much you remember your training. Prisoner classification Alpha-Echo-Sierra.” _High value, casualty not an option._ “Juliet protocols authorized.” _Prisoner was allowed to believe they would die, lethal methods acceptable for use._ “Stop at my command.” _Handler would decide when to call off lethal methods. Asset was not allowed to stop using own judgement._

Hydra wasn’t going to torture Tony. Bucky was.

He wondered if the fear he could see in Tony’s eyes were mirrored in his own.

.

Bucky’s entire body shook and shivered as he sat on the cot in the bare room Hydra had given him. There weren’t any cameras, he’d checked, and it was a blessing as there was no way he’d have been able to hold this in. Bile rose in his throat but he swallowed it down. He’d managed to keep a straight face all the way back here but _fuck_.

He didn’t think he’d ever manage to get the image of Tony’s face twisted with fear, in the midst of a panic attack and gasping for breath, out of his mind. Not when he knew he’d been the cause of it.

They’d- God. They’d made Bucky do a lot of things to him, applying pain in all the many and varied ways he knew how. They’d ordered him to make Tony bleed, only not too much. They’d ordered him to burn Tony, but only just enough. They’d ordered him to choke Tony… It was all too much. Bucky couldn’t. He _couldn’t_.

Only he did. He _had_. He’d wrapped his hands around Tony’s throat despite knowing what it would do to the man. He’d squeezed and he’d waited, waited for the orders that would call him off, waited for the only order from Hydra he’d ever looked forward to.

Fuck, but he hated himself.

.

“I get them, too, you know. Not sure there’s anyone is this damn facility who doesn’t.”

Bucky didn’t look up from where he was sitting on the couch, elbows on his knees and head bowed over his hands. He’d heard Tony’s casual steps coming while he was still in the hallway. They drew closer now until Tony was right beside him. There was a pause before he sat down.

“The nightmares, I mean,” he clarified.

Bucky leaned up slightly, finally looking at his unintended companion.

“How do you know I had a nightmare?”

Tony gave him a look.

“You’re in the communal space, staring at your hands at just past fuck-thirty in the morning.”

“Then what are you doing here? Just get off a science binge?”

Tony leaned back with a scoff.

“First of all, I resent the implication by your tone that a science binge would be anything less than a perfectly reasonable reason to still be awake at this hour, ungodly though it may be.”

“Reasonable reason?”

“ _Secondly_ ,” Tony pressed onward, seemingly determined to steamroll right past that little detail, “I’m here for the same reason you are. Nightmares.”

Bucky grimaced and looked away.

“Ever since I started getting back all the memories from Hydra I just… I see their faces every time I close my eyes, all the people I’ve killed. I can’t get them out of my head and I- I don’t want to forget them. I just want to sleep.”

And he felt damn guilty for it. His victims deserved better than to be thought of as burdens. Not that that was exactly how Bucky saw them, but still. Even with the serum keeping him running on less sleep than the average human, Bucky was running on empty.

Tony made a sympathetic noise and settled in against the cushions of the couch. His thigh brushed against Bucky’s as he let his legs sprawl.

“That sucks. At least I get some variety.”

“Variety?”

“Yeah, you know, wormholes, space, the cave, the desert, being choked.”

Bucky’s brow furrowed. He knew where most of those things came from, but the choking bit was new to him. It was probably awful to ask, given it was clearly a trauma, but…

“Choking?”

The only sign of Tony’s nerves was the way he tapped at the center of his chest where the arc reactor used to sit.

“Sure. Loki threw me out the window via a hand on my throat during his little invasion,” Tony explained, tone casual. “I had bigger things to deal with at that point, though. It kinda paled in comparison to the whole ‘flying into space with a bomb on my back’ thing. But then Thor lifted me off my feet during Ultron…” He gave a shrug as if to say none of it mattered, despite the fact that it so clearly _did_. “There have been a few other times, here and there, so don’t go getting it in your head that only the Asgardians like wrapping their hands around my neck. It’s not often, but every once in a while, it catches up with me.”

Bucky curled his hands into fists to keep from reaching for the other man. He didn’t think it would be much appreciated.

“That’s…”

“Part of life, when you live the way we do,” Tony brushed it off. “Now, come on. You’re a half-way decent cook, right? I’m starving. Let’s see what we can find in the kitchen.”

Tony’s hand was warm in his as their fingers tangled together and Bucky allowed himself to be lead to the other room.

.

Tony looked even worse come morning than he had the night before when Bucky’d been ordered to drag him back to his cell. The bruises from the day before had bloomed and darkened, including the ones that encircled his throat. They were nearly black and Bucky honestly doubted if he was able to speak at all. Every breath probably ached. Tony was slouched against the back wall of his cell, legs stretched out in front of him and glaring balefully at the Hydra agent who had accompanied Bucky down here.

“You,” he rasped out in a voice that _sounded_ painful, “I’m going to destroy you.”

The agent just laughed.

“Big words from a man who can’t even stand on his own.” He spat, the saliva hitting Tony’s shoulder. Bucky wanted to tear him limb from limb. “Did you really believe you could tame the Winter Soldier? Hydra is his true master, not you. You should stop fighting, Stark. Things will get so much easier for you if you do. We might even give you a reward if you do.”

“Leave him alone,” Steve growled from the next cell over, hands wrapped around the bars and clearly just as pissed as Bucky felt. Natasha and Clint kept their mouths shut from where they were being held across the aisle, thankfully. Bucky didn’t want the agent taking his anger out on Tony. “He won’t be able to do your work in this condition, anyway. Keep this up and you’ll just kill him. Who will fix your chair then?”

“Perhaps,” the agent allowed. “You forget that we are no fools, though. Stark’s intellect is as great a threat as it could be an asset. Killing him might cost us time, but our own engineers can fix the chair, given enough time. His loss would cripple your side, though. Just how much do you rely of your little pet genius, eh? What would you do if he weren’t around to make you any more toys?”

Cold dread rushed through Bucky’s veins.

“Bring him,” the agent ordered.

So, Bucky did.

.

It took Bucky three days to finally be able to lift keys and a swipe card off of one of the guards without it being suspicious. He was constantly being watched, so there was no way for him to slip away to let his team out himself. He had to bide his time, barely sleeping that night, until it was once again morning and he was led to their cells once more to take Tony away.

Tony didn’t look up when they entered. Bucky wasn’t even sure he was _conscious_. He was crumpled on the floor of his cell, body limp despite how battered and bruised it was. One hand was missing all of it’s fingernails and his hair was a matted mess of blood and dirt. His head lolled on his neck as Bucky picked him up off the floor, trying to be as careful as possible without looking like he was being careful at all. All Bucky wanted want to take Tony home and wrap him in every blanket they owned, lay him out in their bed and cuddle him so that the world could never touch him again. Of course, it was a very real possibility that Tony would never want to see him again after this.

Bucky wouldn’t blame him if that would the case. Honestly, it would be a struggle for Bucky to see Tony again, too. Every look at his face would be a reminder of what Bucky had done, how he’d hurt the man he loved so much. It would take its toll on him.

As Bucky stepped out of the cell, Tony in his arms, the limp man suddenly came to life, slamming a fist into the side of Bucky’s face. Such a blow wouldn’t normally do more than turn Bucky’s head, more likely to break the assailant’s fist than his face, and Tony was weak from days of malnourishment and poor treatment… But Nat’s cell was _right there_.

Bucky stumbled to the side, just a step or two, and let Tony fall from his grasp. As expected, Tony went down fighting the whole way and Bucky was able to use the blows as an excuse to fall back against the bars of Natasha’s cell, only long enough to drop the keys and badge out of his pocket, and then he was pushing back, incapacitating Tony and shoving him against the wall. Tony cried out in pain, making the Hydra agent laugh and Bucky’s heart break just a little bit more. Soon, he reminded himself. It would be over soon. He just had to hold out a little bit longer.

.

Bucky would be forever grateful that Nat and the others didn’t waste any time. They’d broken out, gotten to the special holding areas where Thor and Bruce were being kept, and come for Bucky and Tony within thirty minutes of Bucky slipping Nat the keys. The look on the Hydra agent’s face when Bucky had lifted him up by his neck and thrown him across the room had been quite vindictively pleasing. Bucky wanted to do much worse to him, to pay him back for every ounce of pain he’d cost Tony, but there wasn’t the time for that. They had other priorities.

Tony passed out during their run for freedom, for real this time, and Bucky cradled his body close as he sprinted through the base with the others. The Hulk was having a great time smashing the place to bits, but the agents seemed torn between fleeing for their lives and attempting to rally a defense. Bucky’s heart pounded in his throat. He wanted Tony safe. He wanted him in medical with a team of professionals looking after all the wounds Bucky had left him with. He wanted to be sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he hadn’t done anything Tony couldn’t recover from. Physically, at least. Bucky was pretty sure there was no hope of Tony getting over this experience mentally and emotionally.

Tony would bounce back to acting like his old self again, sure, but there was no way this hadn’t shaken him. He’d been betrayed by too many people he loved and cared about to just be able to push through having his own boyfriend torture him on sheer willpower alone. And Bucky knew Tony had a therapist now, something he’d agreed to on Bucky’s request, but this was still a big fucking deal. It couldn’t just be swept under the rug, like Tony so loved to do with any problem that involved his emotions.

Bucky clung to Tony as their group fled into the woods surrounding the Hydra base, as Thor flew up high in the air to locate a nearby town. He clung to Tony as they waited for SHIELD to send transport and through the entire flight back to the compound in the quinjet. He didn’t let Tony go until they were actually in medical and there was a gurney surrounded by doctors and nurses to lay Tony out on.

Steve clasped Bucky’s shoulder and shook him gently as they watched Tony being wheeled away.

“It’s not your fault,” he said. “You got us out of there. That counts for a lot. Who knows what they would have done if someone else had been in charge of persuading Tony, and we’d all still be stuck there besides. He’s going to be alright, Bucky, and we have you to thank.”

.

Peter was much less forgiving. They young man had taken up vigil next to Tony’s bed, a place Bucky could not bear to be himself. Bucky hovered in the waiting room, alternating between pacing and fidgeting in a chair as he awaited each new morsel of news concerning Tony’s condition. He’d asked Peter to tell him when Tony awoke, but Peter had only glared at him.

“I’ll let you know if he asks for you.”

Bucky understood the acidity in his tone, even if Steve hadn’t and Clint had offered to sit Peter down for a talk. Peter was an idealist. He was still naïve in so many ways and believed there should be an outcome where no one would get hurt, even the bad guys. He hadn’t been through the same things Bucky had been through. Bucky hoped he never did. He’d just accepted Peter’s compromise and restricted himself to the communal areas of the medical wing. It might be better, even. If Tony wasn’t feeling up to seeing Bucky, Peter would have no qualms about saying it.

The others stopped by to see him while he waited, including Bruce who sat with him for some time. They’d formed on odd friendship over the years that Bucky hadn’t quite been expecting when he first met the reclusive doctor. They knew what it was like to have parts of themselves they couldn’t control, though, parts they found monstrous but still had to learn how to accept. Bucky appreciated that Bruce didn’t try to offer him any words of comfort. His presence said it all.

Finally, hours later, Peter reappeared. Bucky had already gotten the news that none of Tony’s injuries were immediately life threatening, but that they would take time to heal. It would be over a month before Tony was fully healed from this experience and even then he would bear some new scars. They would just be more for his collection. Bucky stood as Peter came through the doors.

“How is he?”

“Hurt,” Peter said unhelpfully, crossing his arms over his chest, “but he wants to see you. Alone.”

The last word was said in such a way that Bucky was sure there was a story behind it. Peter probably hadn’t been eager to leave Bucky and Tony alone together. It stung, because Bucky really did like Peter, but he got where it was coming from. He appreciated Peter’s loyalty and how much he clearly cared about Tony. If things didn’t go well, it would make Bucky feel better to know Peter was in Tony’s corner.

“Thank you. I know I’m not your favorite person right now.”

Peter scoffed, in that way only teenagers really could, but he stood aside so Bucky could pass through the doors and further into medical. He already knew which room was Tony’s and headed straight for it. The man himself was sitting up in the bed, halfway through a cup of jello with three more empty containers sitting on the tray in front of him. Bucky hovered in the doorway.

“Hey,” he greeted softly, not wanting to startle.

Tony set his cup down immediately, a smile springing to his face. He reached toward Bucky, prompting him to step further into the room.

“Hey, you,” he said as Bucky took his hands and settled onto the edge of the bed. “How are you doing? Okay? Have you talked to Dr. Branson at all yet?”

Doc was Bucky’s therapist and there were currently two missed calls from him on Bucky’s phone. He hadn’t been able to make himself pick up. Now, it seemed just wrong for Tony to be asking about _Bucky._ He wasn’t the one in a hospital bed with a saline drip.

“Not yet, but I will,” Bucky promised. “I’ve been a little more worried about you, honestly.”

Tony dropped his gaze, nodding. At least he didn’t try to brush it off. Bucky didn’t think he could have handled that.

“Yeah. It’s… an adjustment. Nightmare fuel, for sure,” he admitted, “but I get why you had to do it. You should have. I would have made the same call.”

Bucky winced, but nodded. He wouldn’t be able to comfort Tony through these nightmares, not when his was the face Tony feared. And that was even if they were still sharing a bed.

“I hated every second of it. I’m pretty sure I’ll be having a few nightmares of my own. Did you know? That I was still me? Before the escape, I mean. I thought not, which made it so much worse, but then your punch was a little too well-timed. Was it just a coincidence?”

Tony squeezed his hands and tugged him closer, so Bucky moved the food tray out of the way and lay down next to him, adjusting so he could run his metal fingers gently through Tony’s hair.

“Not at first, no,” Tony told him quietly, both of his hands holding Bucky’s flesh one and drawing thoughtless patterns across his skin there. “I thought they’d gotten to you somehow, that all our work with your trigger words hadn’t been enough, but I knew by the end of the first day. You wouldn’t have been so gentle with me if you weren’t yourself.”

Bucky’s breathing hitched and he buried his face in Tony’s hair.

“I _tortured you_ , Tony.”

There was a noncommittal hum before Tony pulled Bucky’s arm across his chest so they could cuddle even more closely.

“Yeah, well, you’re not the first one, which means I know a thing or two about how it feels to be tortured. You could have done a lot more damage than you did.”

“That doesn’t make it _better_.”

“No, but it did tell me rather a lot about your _intent_. Honestly, I’m still not sure if that made it more or less terrifying, but it gave me something to hold on to. It gave me hope that I wouldn’t die in that Hydra hellhole, because I knew you wouldn’t let them kill me. I just had to push through.”

His hands were trembling, though, betraying the way he tried to downplay things. Bucky pressed a kiss to the shell of his ear and tried desperately not to cling too tightly. It would be hell on Tony’s fractured ribs.

“How did you know when I had the keys and access card? I couldn’t have snuck them to Nat without you.”

“I didn’t, actually. I woke up when you lifted me and I didn’t realize it was you. I was still half-dreaming and thought it was some Hydra guard. I wanted to give them at least a small fraction of the paint they’d put you through.”

Bucky had to breath deeply several times to keep himself calm.

“I’m so sorry,” he finally managed to get out, voice rough. “You should never have had to go through that.”

“Shhhh,” Tony soothed him, lifting Bucky’s hand to his lips to press a kiss there without having to move his neck. “We got through it, that’s what’s important. And we’ll get through living with it, too. You wanna know why?”

Bucky leaned down to kiss him properly, just a soft press of their lips against each other.

“Why?”

“Because I love you,” Tony replied with a happy, smug hum, “and you love me. And that’ll get us through anything.”

**Author's Note:**

> [ Say hi on Tumblr! ](https://shi-toyu.tumblr.com/)


End file.
